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[Thursday
December 18th, 2008] |
with so many things going on in my life, i kind of forgot about this journal...
uhmmm well, i could write about gwen in this journal, but i'd rather keep my other one for now. so organized, and now that i'm going public, i'll just keep private stuff friends only.
i'm thinking of using this for uber-spicy details i don't want the rest of them knowing. ;)
so yeah.
things are going well. couldn't ask for more.
-nica
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| a.v. |
[Tuesday
February 19th, 2008] |
i recognize that look in his eyes i got last portrait night.
he is with me every passing hour of every single day. things are good.
i've got two trips by myself planned out and it scares me that i'm going out further into the world alone.. but with reason to propel my graphic design sky high. holy shit.
i can't fuck around. from now until spring break is over i'll work my ass off in the lab, until 3 am if it is necessary.. i need that good design work that'll make them go (oh, f_ck!)
and i do have hope. the present i'm making adam is going down in history as my most kick ass present yet.
holy sh_t. in three months i'll meet some of the top illustrators of the nation and i'll be amongst the best of the best. possibly even the boy that gives me butterflies every weekend i see him.
*sigh*
wow. so much to think about.
its almost 4 am, i havent been up this last since i turned in my gic final last semester.
time to turn in. got hearts to charm tomorrow.
oh my g_d, i'm so happy right now.
what more could i ask for?
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| angie. |
[Friday
February 8th, 2008] |
is there at least one positive thing you'd say about me?
do you hold at least one memory in your heart?
do you ever look back and at least recognize that for a while it was nice?
do you deny my name as long as it is spoken? because i don`t.
i understand. i think i know. i think i see now.
or have seen. but not all along.
understand. understand some day, it doesn`t have to be today. or tomorrow.
this was against you, but not targeting you specifically.
i`m so human, so flawed. so imperfect.
i`m pretty sure it's all going well for you. i'm so relieved that i'm doing so well.
i have it all. friends, family, money, work waiting for me, opportunities, aspirations, clothes, affection, a journal, and hell of a creative mind. i've got all the tools that'll help me move forward. it's amazing to see all my dreams coming true.
i wish you were standing next to me witnessing it. not as my lover, it took me long enough to realize that we were not meant to be in that way... but we made a hell of a cool team. when we weren't bickering and having bitch fights, we had some ok adventures..
time flew by, our laughter has been topped by that of the new memories we've made and i'm okay with that.
it's unfortunate to have cut it off completely, but there was just no other way so that the intoxication could stop. it did get pretty damaging, particularly me to you. truth. i know that, but it took me a long time to see it.
and let's be realistic, when i wasn't a hazard to you, you were to me. you held me back in high school, you cut the feathers off my wings. i was a bird trapped in your protection and your world. you were my objective, the main beacon of hope and light for me.
i won't bother you again, at least not for now. i'll keep all the unsent letters under my bed and inside my hard drive.
i'm storing drawings i've made of us for a rainy day.
i barely have any pictures of us anymore, but i keep them with pride.
i have that album you gave me.
i lost the picture of us kissing.
i still have your ring and you still have my painting.
i don't think you'll ever get it back anymore.
i don't know anything about you anymore.
i doubt you even think i was there anymore.
i don't blame you and i won't hold it against you.
i wish you luck in the future, whatever you pursue.
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| adam |
[Tuesday
January 15th, 2008] |
adam
my heart belongs to you...
it's been a while since i've been able to slow these things in my head.
all i know is that wow, you're really special. you made me feel good.
you helped me clear up my doubts, too. i'm glad we got to spend that one night together.
now i know why this behavior keeps on happening exactly like this. i understand my attention span too.
i understand why i`m shy, i understand why i play games, i understand why i often come off as an honest threat.
i`s tough for me to keep my mouth shut and it gets me in trouble but i`ve grown a lot.
i hope somehow i`ll get help away from my 420 habits, i can`t live with a foggy mind. can`t live trapped.
i`m as free as i can be and i`ve got everything... absolutely everything. thank you for completing that last piece.
i love you and i`m willing to release when this is all over.
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[Thursday
November 1st, 2007] |
i`m such a stoner. weed is undescribable, atm.
i know i wasn`t sober when i wrote this, because this isn`t me at all.. but it is good to look back. i was shocked when i found it, and i guess i understand why stuff went the way it did.
straight up, i`m a bitch hahaha
( Read more... )
hell yeah i can cuss a motherfucker out. she was trying to be nice, too.
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[Tuesday
October 23rd, 2007] |
this journal is sexy. i won`t deny it at all.
i remembered my old e-mail and livejournal and i wanted to check them out for what i could find.
it turns out i found a lot. i started to read through these entries, and before i knew it i was biting my lip and looking into the screen hungrily.
que mal. i was damn good art writing this.
i walk my own frilly, laced streets was so amazing. that excerp with the lady and the man is good enough for my graphic novel. i`m totally going to recycle and illustrate my daydreams. mm, the days when my creativity was harvested and ready to be pluuuucked!! but now its been reaped, the soil is barren.
so much stuff has happened since then. my own agenda doesn`t make sense to me.
i wrote the stuff in code pretty much!
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| ?? |
[Monday
October 22nd, 2007] |
its been two years
wow
we`re worlds apart
look at that icon. my graphic design sucked.
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| haha. |
[Wednesday
June 20th, 2007] |
haha.
HAHAHAHHAHAAHAH.
HAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH XD
enough said.
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[Thursday
April 26th, 2007] |
FUCKING PUT THE BULLET THROUGH MY HEAD
DO IT
DO IT
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| aha, now i see |
[Sunday
April 22nd, 2007] |
everything i`m blamed for....
is not mine.
how selfish you are.
so... who is the doll put away and pulled out only when no one else is ever there?
me.
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[Saturday
March 17th, 2007] |
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i think i got her in trouble = (
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[Saturday
March 17th, 2007] |
there`s no need to say it because you already know it.
i miss you. i wish i could hold you to myself.
i wish i could adorn your cheeks with my kisses.
i wish i could breathe in your scent. you know it.
i wish i could be better, and i try to be.. but i`m not.
i want to give it more tries. i don`t feel it dead just yet.
this spark has lasted a very long time. mine isn`t extinguished.
i like you, i miss you, i love you.
i can`t tell it to your face anymore.
it`s there. it`s all in me. i know it. you know it too.
you know i love you. you know i don`t know what to do with it.
i know i`ve got lots of obstacles.
it would all be worth it if i could just hold your hand once more.
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[Monday
February 26th, 2007] |
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don`t keep shit from me, bitch
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[Wednesday
January 24th, 2007] |
fuck the starmeter.
peace.
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[Tuesday
January 23rd, 2007] |
pleasures remain
so does the pain
words are meaningless
and forgettable
a flower from the dead inside to the one with beautiful curls.
i miss you angie.
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[Thursday
January 18th, 2007] |
i miss her. very much.
sigh.
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[Saturday
January 13th, 2007] |
fuck the starmeter and fuck me
love`s an excuse to get hurt
and anjanette is H E A R T L E S S
that hurt.
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[Thursday
January 11th, 2007] |
i dont know anymore. did i bring this on myself?
when i get home, i`m going to have a nice, long(er) cry.
i can`t even look at these flowers anymore.
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[Thursday
January 11th, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
word
that`s what i got for hoping
peace out
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[Wednesday
January 10th, 2007] |
i like this girl so much.
i`d kiss her pretty fingers and watch her sleep
or wait for her to smile and then feel fulfilled.
i like this girl.
she`s a damn gifted person.
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